Quin-WHAT?

Hey, that’s not quinoa!

Once upon a time I decided I was going to make J like quinoa.  As in, when it’s not hiding in stuffed peppers.  Actually, it was more like once upon a time I needed to make something for dinner, I found this recipe, and it had quinoa and I thought hoped maybe J would like it.  Whatever, the point is I made quinoa tonight.  And it sucked.  The chicken found in said recipe was slightly better.

Here is a breakdown of how tonight’s dinner went:

Make rub for chicken.  Don’t have lid for big enough sauce pan for quinoa; use big pot instead.  Heat olive oil and place chicken in pan.  Put lid on top.  Freak out that steam is rolling out of pan.  Envision lid exploding off of pan, sending molten chicken all over kitchen.  Go get J to check chicken.  J says chicken is fine.  “Are they supposed to be black?”  “Yes, J, that’s why it’s called blackened chicken.  Duh.”  Flip chicken.  Get testy when J tries to help.  I’ve got this, silly man.  Notice apartment is getting smoky.  Complain to J.  J opens window so fire alarm doesn’t go off.  Quinoa isn’t cooking fast enough.  Turn up heat on burner.  Flip chicken again.  Apartment looks like we’ve been chain smoking for two hours.  Check temperature on chicken.  One piece done, one not.  Remove cooked piece of chicken.  Turn down heat on other piece of chicken.  Other piece finally done.  Quinoa complete.  Pour into bowl and add spices/herbs/juice.  Taste quinoa.  Make face like just licked a foot.  Refuse to let J try quinoa because don’t want to ruin his quinoa experience.  J insists, tastes quinoa, says “eh.”  Refuse to serve quinoa; leave it sitting in bowl in messy kitchen.  Plate chicken.  Unsuccessfully try to cut chicken with butter knife.  Taste chicken.  “Eh.”  Finish chicken.  Go back to taste quinoa to see if it’s less disgusting.  It is not.  Make foot-licking face again.  Fin.

Quinoa FAIL

Needless to say, I will not be making this dish again.  I honestly don’t think there was anything wrong with the recipe; the comments on the original article were excellent.  I just think I should be banned from cooking meat.  This, mis amigos, is why I bake.  And my quinoa tastebuds are apparently vegan, because they hated the chicken broth base (J didn’t think it was THAT bad.  I beg to differ.).  Water only, they say (or maybe almond milk?).

Cooking: 1.  Ky: 0.  I need a cookie.